Anger Management: Body, Mind, and Choice
A three-hour, self-paced training that moves you from heat to calm. Learn what anger is, how it shows up in your body and your thinking, and how to respond on purpose instead of reacting on autopilot.
Step 1 of 7
Welcome and pre-test
About 15 minutes
How this training works
Welcome. This training is for adults who want practical, research-based skills for handling anger. It takes about three hours. You can finish it in one sitting or return to it over several days.
Here is how it works. First, you take a short pre-test so you can see what you already know. Next, you work through four learning modules in order. Each module has a reading, one or more videos from respected professional organizations, and a short practice. Then you build your own anger control plan. Finally, you take the post-test and sign an attestation that you completed the materials. When you score 80 percent or higher on the post-test, your certificate of completion is emailed to you automatically.
Use the same email address on the pre-test and the post-test. That is where your certificate will be sent.
This training is education, not therapy. It does not replace an individual assessment, counseling, or any program a court, employer, or agency has specifically required of you.
Take the pre-test
Ten questions. There are no wrong feelings here; the pre-test simply shows your starting point. It opens in a new tab so you can come right back.
Start the pre-testStep 2 of 7
Module 1: What anger is, and what it is not
About 35 minutes- Reading (15 minutes)
- Video: Dr. Ryan Martin, TED (13 minutes)
- Video: The anger iceberg, for kids and adults
- Video: Dr. Gabor Maté on processing anger and rage
- Reflection (7 minutes)
Reading: Anger is a signal
Anger is a normal human emotion. Everyone feels it, from infants to older adults. Anger is not the problem. What we do with it can be.
It helps to separate three words that people often mix up. Anger is a feeling: a surge of energy and tension that says something is wrong. Hostility is an attitude: a habit of expecting the worst from people and looking at them with suspicion. Aggression is a behavior: words or actions meant to hurt, threaten, or control someone. You can feel intense anger without ever becoming aggressive. That gap between feeling and action is where your power lives (Deffenbacher, 2011).
Anger researcher Dr. Ryan Martin describes anger as a signal. We tend to get angry when something feels unfair, when something blocks a goal we care about, or when we feel powerless. In that sense, anger can be useful. It points to a problem and gives us energy to address it (Martin, 2021).
Here is the most important idea in this training. Events do not make us angry all by themselves. What we tell ourselves about the event does most of the work. Picture two drivers who are both cut off in traffic. One thinks, “That person is a jerk who did it on purpose.” The other thinks, “Maybe they didn’t see me.” Same event, very different anger. Cognitive behavioral approaches to anger are built on this idea: an event leads to an interpretation, the interpretation shapes the feeling, and the feeling pushes toward an action (Deffenbacher, 2011; Reilly & Shopshire, 2019).
Anger that is frequent, intense, or long-lasting has real costs. It strains relationships and work. It can lead to legal trouble. It also affects the body, since the stress response raises heart rate and blood pressure again and again. The good news is that anger skills can be learned. Reviews of many studies show that cognitive behavioral anger programs produce meaningful improvement for most participants (Beck & Fernandez, 1998; Lee & DiGiuseppe, 2018).
A helpful picture for kids and adults alike is the anger iceberg. What people see is the tip: yelling, slamming a door, or going silent. But the biggest part of anger is often hidden below the surface, just like with an iceberg. Underneath are feelings such as hurt, fear, embarrassment, shame, disappointment, stress, or feeling powerless. Anger often shows up to protect those more tender feelings. When you get curious about what is under the water, you can deal with the real problem instead of only the anger on top (“Anger Iceberg Activity,” 2024).
In the next modules, you will learn to notice anger early in your body, to catch the thoughts that pour fuel on it, and to choose a response that fits who you want to be.
The anger iceberg
Watch
- Why we get mad, and why it’s healthyDr. Ryan Martin, anger researcher, University of Wisconsin–Green Bay. TED (TED, 2019).
- Anger iceberg activity: What’s beneath the surface?Made for kids, and just as useful for adults. We all have to consider that the biggest part of anger is often hidden below the surface, just like with an iceberg (“Anger Iceberg Activity,” 2024).
- Dr. Gabor Maté on how to process anger and ragePhysician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté looks at what lies beneath the waterline: healthy anger, rage, and the older hurts that can fuel it. The Tim Ferriss Show (The Tim Ferriss Show, n.d.).
Reflection
Think of the last time you got angry. On paper or in your phone, write three short notes: what happened, what you told yourself about it, and what you did. Then add a fourth note: what feeling might have been under the water? Keep this. You will use it in Module 3 and in your plan.
Step 3 of 7
Module 2: Your body, your brain, your early warning system
About 35 minutes- Reading (15 minutes)
- Reading: giving a name to what you feel, with an emotions chart (10 minutes)
- Video: Dr. Daniel Siegel, the hand model of the brain (short)
- Video: 5 ways to defuse your anger
- The two-minute hold, with a built-in timer (5 minutes)
- Guided practice: UCLA Mindful breathing meditation (5 minutes)
- Practice: long-exhale breathing and your anger meter (10 minutes)
- Reading: you are what you eat (10 minutes)
Reading: Catch it while it’s small
When you get angry, your body gets ready to fight. Your heart beats faster, your breathing speeds up, your muscles tighten, and your face may feel hot. This is the fight-or-flight system. It helped our ancestors survive real danger. Today it fires just as fast over a rude email as it would over a real threat.
Psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegel uses your hand as a simple model of the brain. Make a fist with your thumb tucked inside. Your wrist is the brainstem, which runs survival functions. Your thumb is the emotional brain, which scans for danger. Your fingers, folded over the top, are the prefrontal cortex, the part that thinks things through and calms the emotional brain. When anger gets high, it is as if your fingers flip up. The thinking brain loses its grip, and the emotional brain runs the show. Siegel calls this “flipping your lid” (Siegel, 2010). It explains why people say and do things in anger that they would never choose when calm.
That is why timing matters. Anger is much easier to manage while it is small. A helpful tool is the anger meter. Rate your anger from 1, completely calm, to 10, out of control. Most people can use their skills well at a 3 or 4, and hardly at all at a 9. Your job is to notice your number early and act before you reach the point of no return (Reilly & Shopshire, 2019).
To notice early, learn your personal warning cues. They come in four kinds. Body cues include a tight jaw, clenched fists, a racing heart, or heat in the face. Behavior cues include raising your voice, pacing, or pointing. Feeling cues include hurt, embarrassment, or fear hiding underneath the anger. Thinking cues include hostile self-talk or replaying the event over and over (Reilly & Shopshire, 2019).
Here is a common myth: letting it out by hitting a pillow or punching bag gets anger out of your system. Research says the opposite. Venting through aggression tends to keep anger going and can make aggression more likely (Bushman, 2002). A large 2024 review found that activities that lower your body’s arousal, such as slow breathing, relaxation, and mindfulness, reliably reduce anger. Activities that rev you up do not reliably help in the moment (Kjærvik & Bushman, 2024). Exercise is still an excellent way to process anger once the first burst has passed. Module 4 shows how to use it well.
Two calming tools have strong support. The first is slow breathing with a long exhale, which activates the body’s calming system. The second is putting the feeling into words. Simply naming your emotion, as in “I’m angry and I feel disrespected,” reduces activity in the brain’s alarm center (Lieberman et al., 2007). Siegel sums it up this way: name it to tame it.
Reading: Giving a name to what you feel
From Dr. Darleen Claire Wodzenski, MS ESE, MA CMHC, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS
Emotions show up in our bodies in many ways, including muscle tension, headache, stomach pain, anxiety or jitteriness, a pounding heart, and elevated blood pressure. When researchers asked thousands of people where they feel different emotions, the patterns were strikingly similar across cultures. Anger, for example, tends to show up as heat and activation in the head, chest, and arms (Nummenmaa et al., 2014).
In addition to feelings in our heart, stomach, and head, emotions can show up as interoceptive signals from our internal organs. Interoception is the sense of what is happening inside the body: heartbeat, breathing, hunger, fullness, temperature, and the flutter or tightness in the gut (Craig, 2002). These inner signals are often the earliest clue that an emotion is building.
Learning to name emotions is an important step in taking charge of your emotional state and engaging in metacognition. Naming a feeling, as in “I’m frustrated,” calms the brain’s alarm center (Lieberman et al., 2007). And the more exact the name, the better. People who can tell the difference between feeling annoyed, hurt, disrespected, or embarrassed are less likely to act aggressively when they are angry (Pond et al., 2012).
Use the emotions chart below. It follows the same rainbow as this training, from hot, activated feelings in red to calm, connected feelings in violet.
Emotions chart: from heat to calm
Each color family runs from milder to stronger words. Find the family first, then the most exact word. The body clues help you find it.
- annoyed
- irritated
- frustrated
- mad
- resentful
- furious
- enraged
In the body: hot face, clenched jaw and fists, tight shoulders, pounding heart, rising blood pressure
- uneasy
- nervous
- worried
- jittery
- scared
- panicky
- overwhelmed
In the body: racing heart, shallow breath, butterflies or stomach pain, shaky hands, restlessness
- disappointed
- embarrassed
- left out
- rejected
- ashamed
- betrayed
- disrespected
In the body: flushed cheeks, lump in the throat, tight chest, wanting to hide
- down
- tired
- lonely
- discouraged
- grieving
- hopeless
In the body: heavy arms and legs, tears, low energy, headache, a sinking feeling in the stomach
- relaxed
- steady
- peaceful
- safe
- centered
- content
In the body: slow, easy breath, loose muscles, steady heartbeat, a quiet stomach
- confident
- capable
- proud
- curious
- encouraged
- grateful
In the body: open chest, upright posture, clear head, steady energy
- happy
- loving
- playful
- connected
- thankful
- delighted
In the body: warmth in the chest, relaxed smile, lightness through the whole body
Red: hot and activatedViolet: calm and connected
Practice: the body check-in
Close your eyes or soften your gaze. Slowly scan from your head down to your feet: forehead, jaw, throat, chest, heart, stomach, hands, legs. Notice any tension, heat, fluttering, heaviness, or ease. Then fill in this sentence, out loud or on paper:
“I feel ___ (feeling word) in my ___ (body part). It’s a ___ out of 10.”
Use the chart to find the most exact word you can. Try this check-in once a day this week, not only when you’re upset.
The anger meter
The two-minute hold
From Dr. Darleen Claire Wodzenski, MS ESE, MA CMHC, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS
The initial burst of rage can be intense and overwhelming, but within two minutes it will dissipate, leaving a more manageable level of anger. Find a strategy to put your rage ON HOLD for two minutes: use a timer on your phone, listen to a song on YouTube or the radio, or take a walk around the building. After the initial intense burst of rage passes, it will be easier to navigate the anger that follows.
This fits what brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor observed: the chemical surge of a strong emotion rises and passes quickly unless we keep feeding it with more angry thoughts (Bolte Taylor, 2008). The hold works because you stop feeding it.
Try it now: start the timer, breathe slowly, and just let the two minutes pass. Then decide which hold strategy you’ll use in real life: a phone timer, one favorite song, or a walk.
Watch and practice
- “Flipping your lid”: A scientific explanationDr. Daniel Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry, UCLA School of Medicine, and founder of the Mindsight Institute.
- 5 ways to defuse your angerQuick in-the-moment calming strategies (“5 Ways to Diffuse Your Anger,” 2019).
- Breathing meditation (guided, about 5 minutes)Diana Winston, UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center (UCLA Mindful, 2014).
- More guided meditations from UCLA MindfulOptional. Free practices you can keep using after this training.
Try it now: long-exhale breathing (3 minutes)
Sit with both feet on the floor. Breathe in through your nose for a slow count of 4. Breathe out through your mouth for a slow count of 6, as if cooling soup. Repeat ten times. As you breathe, let your jaw loosen, your shoulders drop, and your hands open.
Then write down: your three most common body cues, and the number on the anger meter where you want to start using your skills.
Reading: You are what you eat
From Dr. Darleen Claire Wodzenski, MS ESE, MA CMHC, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS
Your brain builds its chemical messengers from the food you eat. Protein is broken down into amino acids, and the brain uses amino acids to make important neurotransmitters. GABA, the brain’s main calming messenger, is made from glutamate, with help from vitamin B6 (Petroff, 2002). Serotonin, which helps steady mood and impulse control, is made from tryptophan, an amino acid that comes only from food. When tryptophan levels drop, studies show people can become more irritable and quarrelsome (Young, 2013).
When people are stressed out and under duress, they may lean toward more comfort foods or even alcohol. A lack of sufficient dietary protein, or exposure to alcohol, can work against the brain’s calming system. Alcohol acts directly on the brain’s GABA system. As it wears off, the brain can swing toward anxiety and irritability. Alcohol also loosens the brakes on behavior: it is one of the most consistent triggers of aggression found in research (Bushman & Cooper, 1990).
Additionally, if people have low blood sugar, one of the body’s ways of raising it is releasing stress hormones, adrenaline and noradrenaline (also called epinephrine and norepinephrine). These are the same stress hormones the body releases in an accident or a home invasion. That is why people get “hangry.” In one study, married partners with lower blood sugar at night acted more aggressively toward their spouses (Bushman et al., 2014). Sometimes the chronic accumulation of stress hormones can contribute to a person losing control of their anger and rage.
The solution is to eat a healthy, balanced diet with enough protein, at regular times so your blood sugar doesn’t dip, and to avoid drinking alcohol, especially during times of stress and distress. For children, regular meals and protein-rich snacks help, too. If you have diabetes or another medical condition, follow the eating plan from your health care provider.
Practice: the HALT check
Before a hard conversation, or when you notice your fuse getting short, ask yourself: Am I Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Recovery communities have used this check for decades. If the answer is hungry, eat something with protein first, then talk.
Step 4 of 7
Module 3: Self-regulation and thinking about your thinking
About 45 minutes- Reading: self-regulation, “I am human” (10 minutes)
- Video: Puppy Mind, read aloud by the author, for kids and grown-ups
- Practice: the feelings mixer (5 minutes)
- Reading: thoughts are not facts (20 minutes)
- Video: metacognition, TEDx Carleton University (about 15 minutes)
- Practice: rewriting hot thoughts (10 minutes)
Reading: Self-regulation. “I am human.”
From Dr. Darleen Claire Wodzenski, MS ESE, MA CMHC, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS
I am human. Humans are capable of feeling complex, diverse, and even conflicting emotions in our bodies at the very same time. Research confirms it: people can feel happy and sad at once, for example on a bittersweet day like a graduation or a move (Larsen et al., 2001). While we may hold those feelings, we are not victims of them. Nobody can make you feel a particular way; we are each the captain of our own emotions.
Self-regulation is the skill of guiding which feelings we act on, how strongly, and for how long (Gross, 1998). An important concept here is metacognition, which means you are taking charge of your thinking self. With children, we describe metacognition as “driving your own thinking bus.” We can imagine that we are in charge of the thoughts, feelings, focus, and attention going on in our minds.
Instead of allowing big negative feelings to dominate, engage in an activity to work out big, harsh feelings, like journaling, singing, jogging, or talking with a trusted person. Then use your imagination to “turn down the volume” on the big negative feelings at the same time you “turn up the volume” on the supportive and healing emotions.
In the picture book Puppy Mind, a boy discovers that his mind is like a puppy that keeps wandering off. He doesn’t scold it. He gently brings it back with his breath (Nance, 2016). That is self-regulation in its kindest form, and it works for grown-ups, too.
Try it: the feelings mixer
Picture the soundboard in your mind. You are the one at the controls. Think of a recent upsetting moment. Slowly slide the big, harsh feelings down while you slide the supportive, healing feelings up. Breathe out slowly as you move each one.
Write down: three feelings you can hold at the same time right now, and one healing feeling you want to turn up, such as calm, hope, self-respect, patience, or love.
Reading: Thoughts are not facts
Metacognition means thinking about your thinking. It is the ability to step back, notice what your mind is doing, and decide whether that thinking is helping you (Flavell, 1979). In anger, this skill is gold. The thought “He did that to disrespect me” feels like a fact in the moment. Metacognition lets you notice, “I’m having the thought that he disrespected me,” and then check it.
Mindfulness builds the same muscle. It means paying attention to the present moment on purpose, without judging it (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). With practice, you learn to watch thoughts and feelings come and go, like cars passing on a street, without having to jump in front of each one.
Anger researchers have identified several thinking traps that turn ordinary frustration into rage (Deffenbacher, 2011; Martin, 2021). Learn to spot them:
- Catastrophizing: treating a bad event as a disaster. “This ruins everything.”
- Misattributing, or mind reading: assuming people hurt you on purpose when you don’t actually know why they acted. “She’s trying to make me look bad.”
- Overgeneralizing: using always and never. “You never listen.”
- Demanding: turning your wishes into rules others must obey. “People should do what I say.”
- Inflammatory labeling: calling people names in your head. “He’s an idiot.” Labels make it easier to treat someone badly.
Another trap is rumination: replaying the event over and over. Rumination feels like problem-solving, but it mostly keeps the anger burning. Metacognitive approaches teach you to notice that you are ruminating and to step out of the loop, rather than arguing with every thought (Wells, 2009).
A simple skill ties this together. It is called STOP, from dialectical behavior therapy (Linehan, 2015). Stop: freeze for a moment; don’t act yet. Take a step back: breathe and give yourself distance. Observe: notice your body, your feelings, and your thoughts. Proceed mindfully: ask what action fits your goals and values.
During the observe step, ask yourself four questions. What am I telling myself right now? Is it a fact, or my interpretation? What else could be true? What do I actually want to happen here? These questions move you from the emotional brain back to the thinking brain.
Anger thinking traps at a glance
| Trap | Hot thought | Cooler, balanced thought |
|---|---|---|
| Catastrophizing | “This ruins my whole day.” | “This is a hassle. I can handle a hassle.” |
| Mind reading | “He cut me off on purpose.” | “I don’t know why he did that. Maybe he didn’t see me.” |
| Overgeneralizing | “You never help.” | “You didn’t help tonight, and I need help.” |
| Demanding | “She should have called me.” | “I wish she had called. I can tell her that.” |
| Labeling | “My boss is a jerk.” | “My boss made a decision I strongly disagree with.” |
I Am the Maker of My Own Thoughts
Watch
- Metacognition: An important skill for modern timesBrendan Conway-Smith, Carleton University. TEDx Talks (TEDx Talks, 2023).
- Greater Good Science Center video libraryOptional. UC Berkeley talks on mindfulness, compassion, and emotional well-being.
Practice: rewrite the hot thought
For each hot thought, name the trap and write a cooler version. Then tap to compare.
“My kid left the dishes again. He doesn’t respect me at all.”
Traps: mind reading and overgeneralizing. Cooler: “He forgot the dishes again. That’s frustrating, and I need to set a clear expectation with him.”
“That cashier is deliberately slow. What an idiot.”
Traps: mind reading and labeling. Cooler: “The line is slow and I’m in a hurry. She may be new or short-staffed.”
“If I don’t get this parking spot, the whole night is ruined.”
Trap: catastrophizing. Cooler: “Walking an extra block is annoying, not a disaster.”
Now return to the situation you wrote about in Module 1. What were you telling yourself? Which trap was it? Write one cooler thought.
Step 5 of 7
Module 4: Speaking up without blowing up
About 30 minutes- Reading: theory of mind, seeing through their eyes (10 minutes)
- Practice: stand in their shoes (5 minutes)
- Reading: assertive, not aggressive (15 minutes)
- Reading: safe ways to process and release anger, with music ladders (10 minutes)
- Supporting resources: Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, Psych Hub (5 minutes)
- Practice: write two I-statements and your time-out phrase (10 minutes)
Reading: Theory of mind. Seeing through their eyes.
From Dr. Darleen Claire Wodzenski, MS ESE, MA CMHC, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS
Theory of mind is the understanding that other people have their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and knowledge, and that these can be different from ours (Premack & Woodruff, 1978). Children begin to develop this understanding around ages four and five (Wellman et al., 2001), and we keep strengthening it for the rest of our lives.
Each person has a unique and valid perspective based on where they are standing, what they see with their own eyes and hear with their own ears, and their memories, knowledge, and experiences. Healthy adults are able to recognize that two people can disagree because they each have a different perspective on the exact same issue.
The more we can try to see things through the eyes and mind of the other person, the easier it is to understand where they are coming from. This is likely to reduce anger and rage and make it easier to work toward harmony and resolution. Research supports this: people who habitually take others’ perspectives tend to experience less anger when provoked (Mohr et al., 2007).
Understanding someone’s perspective does not mean you have to agree with it, and it never means accepting mistreatment. It simply means you are curious before you are furious. From there, the skills in the next reading, I-statements and time-outs, work much better.
Practice: stand in their shoes
Think of a recent disagreement. Answer three questions from the other person’s point of view:
- From where they were standing, what did they see and hear?
- What memories, knowledge, or experiences might shape how they see it?
- What might they have needed or been worried about?
Then finish this sentence: “From where you’re standing, it makes sense that you ___.” You can say it out loud to open a calmer conversation, and follow it with your own I-statement.
Reading: Assertive, not aggressive
Managing anger does not mean staying silent. Anger often points to a real problem that deserves to be addressed. The skill is saying what you need in a way that respects both you and the other person.
There are four common ways to handle conflict. Passive: you swallow your needs and say nothing, and resentment builds. Aggressive: you get your point across by yelling, blaming, threatening, or insulting. Passive-aggressive: you say you’re fine, then get even through sarcasm, the silent treatment, or “forgetting.” Assertive: you state your feelings and needs clearly and directly, without attacking. Assertive communication is the goal (Reilly & Shopshire, 2019).
A reliable assertive tool is the I-statement. It describes your experience instead of accusing the other person. The formula is: I feel, then the feeling; when, then the specific behavior; because, then why it matters; and I would like, then your request. For example: “I feel frustrated when plans change at the last minute, because I’ve already arranged my day. I’d like a heads-up by noon when you can.” Compare that with “You always do this to me.” The first invites a conversation. The second invites a fight.
Sometimes you are too heated to talk well. That is the time for a time-out. A time-out is not storming off or giving the silent treatment. It is a planned, respectful pause with a promise to return. Here are the steps. First, notice your number on the anger meter. Second, say your agreed-upon phrase, such as “I’m getting too heated. I’m going to take a break and I’ll come back so we can finish this.” Third, leave calmly, with no slammed doors and no last word. Fourth, calm your body with breathing, a walk, or music. Avoid rehearsing the argument in your head, which keeps you angry. Fifth, come back and either continue the conversation or agree on a time to talk (Reilly & Shopshire, 2019).
How long should a time-out last? Longer than most people think. Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman found that when people are physically flooded, with heart rate high and thinking narrowed, it usually takes at least twenty minutes for the body to settle enough to talk productively (Gottman & Silver, 1999).
These two ideas work together. The two-minute hold from Module 2 carries you through the first intense burst of rage, so you can leave calmly instead of exploding. The longer break then gives your body time to settle fully before you return to the conversation.
Finally, when anger has hurt someone, repair matters. A good repair names what you did, takes responsibility without saying “but,” acknowledges the impact on the other person, and says what you will do differently. Repair rebuilds trust.
Know when to get more help. If your anger feels out of control, leads to things you regret, frightens the people around you, or involves threats or physical harm, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Anger responds well to treatment.
Reading: Letting anger move through you safely
From Dr. Darleen Claire Wodzenski, MS ESE, MA CMHC, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS
Once the first burst of rage has passed, anger still needs somewhere to go. Stuffing it down doesn’t work, and neither does acting it out. The goal is to process anger, allowing it to move through you and release in ways that are safe and appropriate. Here are seven good ways to do that.
- Shift the body’s energy with mind-body practices. These practices help move the body’s energy away from rage. Each one pairs slow, flowing movement or quiet attention with slow breathing, which is the opposite of punching and kicking. That is exactly why they help.
- Shinrin-yoku (forest bathing). Walk slowly among trees and take in the forest with all your senses: the green, the sounds, the smell of the air. In field studies across 24 forests in Japan, forest time lowered stress hormones, pulse, and blood pressure compared with city settings (Park et al., 2010).
- Qigong (chi gong). Gentle, repeated movements coordinated with breath and focused attention.
- Tai chi. Slow, continuous, flowing movements, sometimes called meditation in motion. Research reviews link qigong and tai chi with lower stress and anxiety and better mood (Jahnke et al., 2010).
- Yoga. Postures held with slow breathing calm the body’s alarm system. In one randomized trial, yoga improved mood and lowered anxiety more than walking did (Streeter et al., 2010).
- Running, jogging, or weight lifting. Regular exercise burns off stress and builds resilience. Use it after the first burst has passed, and keep your attention on your body and your breath rather than replaying what made you angry. Revving up while stewing over the offense can keep anger going (Kjærvik & Bushman, 2024).
- Journaling. Writing about what happened and how you felt helps your mind make sense of it (Pennebaker, 1997). Try three prompts: What happened? What is under my iceberg? What do I need now?
- Artistic expression. Sketching, painting, or sculpting gives anger a shape outside of you. Making art lowers the body’s stress hormone levels, even for people with no art experience (Kaimal et al., 2016).
- Storytelling. Tell the story to someone you trust, or write it as a story. Telling it turns a raw experience into one you can understand. End your story with what you learned or what you will do next.
- Write it, then release it. Write the words that express your anger on slips of paper. Then set them on fire, or bury them in the ground under a tree or plant. In a 2024 study, people who wrote down their angry reactions and then threw the paper away saw their anger drop back to where it started (Kanaya & Kawai, 2024). If you choose fire, burn safely: outdoors, in a fireproof container, with water nearby, and only where burning is allowed. Children should do the burning step only with an adult. Burying is a wonderful option for kids.
- Use music to shift your mood. Begin with a big, loud, energetic song, like “Come with Me Now” by KONGOS. Then slowly shift the tone and mood of the music, song by song, so it becomes increasingly more calm and focused until you feel better. Music therapists call this the iso principle: first meet your mood where it is, then gradually lead it somewhere better (Heiderscheit & Madson, 2015). Starting loud is not a mistake. In one study, angry listeners who played intense music felt more active and inspired, not more hostile, and then settled (Sharman & Dingle, 2015). Skip songs about revenge or violence, though; they feed the angry story.
What NOT to do. Do NOT punch pillows or do any large motor movements like punching or kicking to release anger. Your brain may then connect anger with potentially dangerous big movements like hitting and kicking.
Research backs this up. People who hit a punching bag while thinking about the person who angered them became more angry and more aggressive, not less (Bushman, 2002). Every time you hit something in anger, you are practicing hitting.
Music ladders: from big energy to ease
Each ladder starts loud and steps down, song by song, toward calm and focus. Tap a song to find it on YouTube (it opens in a new tab). Play the whole ladder, about 15 to 20 minutes, or build your own: start with a song that matches how you feel right now, and make each next song a little slower and softer.
Rock to acoustic
- Come with Me NowKONGOS
- BelieverImagine Dragons
- Ho HeyThe Lumineers
- Fix YouColdplay
- Nuvole BiancheLudovico Einaudi
Big energyEase
Pop and soul
- Eye of the TigerSurvivor
- RoarKaty Perry
- HappyPharrell Williams
- Lovely DayBill Withers
- Don’t Know WhyNorah Jones
Big energyEase
Classical
- O Fortuna (Carmina Burana)Carl Orff
- Summer, third movement (The Four Seasons)Antonio Vivaldi
- Morning Mood (Peer Gynt)Edvard Grieg
- Clair de luneClaude Debussy
- Gymnopédie No. 1Erik Satie
Big energyEase
Supporting resources
- Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temperMayo Clinic (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2024). Short article.
- Anger management: What it is, skills and techniquesCleveland Clinic (n.d.). Short article.
- Setting boundaries without blowing upOrchard Self-Care Guide (PDF). Ready-to-use statements for sharing what you need, plus a Healing Letter template (Wodzenski, 2019).
- Psych Hub video libraryOptional. Brief animated mental health education videos, including skills for managing strong emotions.
Practice
Write two I-statements for real situations in your life, using the formula: I feel ___ when ___ because ___. I’d like ___.
Then write your own time-out phrase, the words you will actually say. If you live with someone, agree on the phrase together while you’re both calm.
Step 6 of 7
My anger control plan
About 10 minutes
Pull together everything you’ve learned into one page you can keep. When you’re done, print it or save it as a PDF. Your answers stay on this device only; nothing is sent anywhere.
Orchard Self-Care Guide (PDF, for adults)Pair your anger control plan with the guide’s Moment by Moment Action Plan, boundary-setting statements, and Healing Letter (Wodzenski, 2019).
Step 7 of 7
Post-test, attestation, and certificate
About 10 minutes
Before you begin
The post-test has ten questions. At the end, you will sign an attestation confirming that you personally completed all of the readings, videos, and practices in this training.
When you score 80 percent or higher and sign the attestation, your certificate of completion is emailed to you automatically, usually within a few minutes. If you don’t see it, check your spam or promotions folder. If you score below 80 percent, you’ll receive an email inviting you to review the modules and try again.
Use the same email address you used on the pre-test.
Your checklist
- Pre-test
- Module 1: What anger is
- Module 2: Body and brain
- Module 3: Self-regulation
- Module 4: Speaking up
- My anger control plan
Questions about your certificate? Contact Orchard Human Services, Inc.
References
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