A guided questionnaire for two — designed to deepen understanding,
strengthen connection, and open conversations that matter most.
The quality of a relationship is built one honest conversation at a time.
This is space for that conversation.
How To Use This Tool
Three gentle agreements before you begin.
01
Sit together. Side by side, with one device or two — phones,
tablets, or printed pages all work. Schedule 45 to 90 minutes without interruption.
02
Answer separately, then share. Each partner writes their own
response first, before reading the other’s. The discoveries happen in the
difference — and in the unexpected agreement.
03
Listen to understand, not to respond. When you share answers,
take turns reading aloud. The partner who is listening does not correct,
defend, or rebut. Curiosity is the only goal.
Where Will You Begin?
Every relationship is a garden.
Choose the season your love is in — and we’ll meet you there with the
questions that fit this chapter best.
Choose Your Path
Together Under 2 Years
Building the
FOUNDATION
For dating, partnered, or newly engaged
A questionnaire for couples still discovering each other. The early season is
a sacred window for building the love maps, communication patterns, and shared
meaning that will carry you through every season to come.
Love MapsCommunicationValuesConflict StyleFamily of Origin
Together 2+ Years or Married
Deepening the
BOND
For established, long-term, or married couples
A questionnaire for couples who have weathered seasons together. This is a
tool for reconnection, repair, and rediscovery — naming what is, honoring
what has been, and choosing what comes next, together.
State of Our UnionIntimacyRepairShared MeaningVision
A New Beginning
Two hearts learning the shape of one another.
Together Under 2 Years
Building the
FOUNDATION
Six reflections to help you build the kind of knowing that lasts.
Take your time. There are no wrong answers — only honest ones.
Section 01 — Love Maps
Knowing the inner world of the other.
A “love map” is the mental geography you carry of your partner — their dreams,
fears, history, and the small details that make up a life. Strong relationships
are built on detailed maps. These prompts are an invitation to draw yours.
What is one fear or worry I’m carrying right now that you may not know about?
Name it gently — for yourself first, then for your partner.
What is a dream I hold for my own life — separate from us — that I want you to know?
Individual dreams strengthen a partnership when they are seen.
What is one thing I wish you would ask me more often?
Discuss Together
After sharing, ask each other one follow-up question — beginning with the words
“Tell me more about…” instead of “Why…”.
Section 02 — Communication
How we speak. How we are heard.
Every couple develops a language of their own. In the first two years, the
patterns you set will echo for decades. These questions help you name what
is working — and gently surface what is not.
When I feel close to you, what have you usually just done or said?
When I feel distant from you, what is usually happening between us?
Describe the pattern without blame — the dance, not the dancer.
Rate how well you feel heard by your partner in these moments:
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5
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4
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4
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Rarely heardAlmost always heard
Section 03 — Values & Direction
What we each are building a life around.
Values do not need to be identical for a relationship to thrive — they need
to be known, named, and respected. This section invites you to put words to
what you each are organizing your life around.
If you had to name three values that guide how you want to live, what would they be?
What does a meaningful, well-lived life look like to me five years from now?
Discuss Together
Where do your values overlap? Where do they diverge? A divergence is not a
threat — it is information. Talk about how each of you can honor your
partner’s values, especially the ones you do not share.
Section 04 — Conflict & Repair
How we disagree. How we come back.
Every couple fights. The question is not whether you have conflict, but
what you do with it — and how quickly you find your way back to one another.
When we have a hard conversation, what does my body usually do?
Heart races? Shut down? Voice gets sharp? Tears come easily? Naming this builds awareness.
What helps me feel safe enough to reconnect after we have had a fight?
What is one thing my partner does during conflict that I would like to talk about gently?
Use “I notice…” or “I feel…” language, not “You always…”.
Section 05 — Family of Origin
The patterns we are bringing with us.
We all enter a relationship with the templates of love we grew up inside.
Some patterns we want to keep. Others we want to gently lay down. Awareness
is the first step in choosing.
What is one thing my family of origin did well that I want to bring into our relationship?
What is one pattern I do not want to repeat — and what would I like to put in its place?
Section 06 — Appreciation
What I want my partner to know they have given me.
End here. Always end here. Appreciation is the heartbeat of a young
relationship — and the medicine of a long one.
Discuss Together
Read these aloud to each other. Make eye contact. Do not deflect with “oh
stop” or “you’re sweet”. Simply say: Thank you. I receive that.
The early seasons of a relationship are not just for falling in love —
they are for learning how to love this particular person.
Every honest conversation is a stone laid in the foundation.
— A reflection for the road ahead
Years of Choosing One Another
Love that has weathered seasons knows its own depth.
Together 2+ Years or Married
Deepening the
BOND
Seven reflections for couples who have weathered seasons together.
For reconnection, repair, and rediscovery of one another.
Section 01 — State of Our Union
Where we are right now.
Before we plan where to go, we must honestly name where we are.
This is a snapshot of the relationship as it is in this season —
without judgment, without performance.
If our relationship were a season right now, what season would it be? Why?
Spring? A long autumn? The middle of winter? Late summer harvest?
Rate the current state of each area of our relationship:
1
2
3
4
5
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2
3
4
5
1
2
3
4
5
1
2
3
4
5
1
2
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4
5
1
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4
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StrugglingThriving
Discuss Together
Compare your scores. Where you both rated high — celebrate. Where one of
you scored noticeably lower — that is not an indictment. It is an invitation
to ask: What do you need from me here?
Section 02 — How We Have Grown
The journey our communication has taken.
Long relationships develop layered shorthand — both the gifts of deep
knowing and the burdens of assumption. This section helps you name both.
What is one way we communicate now that is healthier than how we communicated in our first year?
What is one assumption I make about you that I would like to check rather than assume?
After years together we begin to “know” — and sometimes the knowing becomes a cage. What would you like to ask fresh?
What is something I am no longer telling you that I used to share — and why have I stopped?
This is a tender question. Hold it gently. Answer only what you are ready to share aloud.
Section 03 — Intimacy
Emotional, physical, spiritual closeness.
Intimacy is not one thing — it is many threads woven together. Long
relationships need ongoing tending in each thread. This section is for
naming what is nourished and what is thirsty.
When did you most recently feel deeply emotionally close to me? What was happening?
What kind of touch — small, daily, non-sexual — makes me feel loved by you?
A hand on my back. Fingers through my hair. A hug that lasts six seconds. Be specific.
What is one thing about our intimate life I would love to talk about together — with curiosity, not critique?
Section 04 — Repair
What is still asking to be mended.
Every long relationship carries unresolved threads — moments that did not
get the closure they deserved. Some can be set down. Some need to be
spoken aloud. This is a place to begin.
Is there a moment in our history that still hurts when I think about it — that we have never fully repaired?
You do not have to share details yet. Just notice if your body says yes, there is something.
Is there something I have done that I want to take genuine ownership of — and offer a fresh apology for?
What does forgiveness look like to me — and what does it not require?
A Note on Hard Repair
If old wounds surface that feel too big for the two of you alone, that is
not a failure of your love — it is wisdom. Consider working with a licensed
couples therapist trained in EFT or Gottman Method. Some threads heal best
with a skilled third presence.
Section 05 — Shared Meaning
The rituals, stories, and symbols of our life together.
Long relationships create a culture all their own — the inside jokes, the
Sunday rhythms, the words only the two of you understand. Naming what you
have built makes it visible. And what is visible can be tended.
What is one ritual, tradition, or repeated moment in our life together that I treasure?
What is one new ritual we could create together — something small, regular, and just ours?
Sunday morning walk. A weekly question over coffee. A goodnight phrase. Be small and specific.
Section 06 — The Next Chapter
What we are building toward, together.
The future of a long relationship is not assured by the past. It is
written, one small choice at a time. This section is for putting words
to what you want to write next.
When I imagine us five years from now at our best, what are we doing? Who have we each become?
What is one dream I want to invest in this next year — that I need your support to pursue?
What is one thing I want us to do less of in this next season — and one thing I want us to do more of?
Section 07 — Appreciation
What I want you to know I see in you.
End here. Always end here. The long relationship lives or dies by whether
the partners can still see the gold in one another after all these years.
Final Practice
Read your appreciations to one another, slowly. Hold hands or sit knee to
knee. When you finish, do not move on. Sit for one full minute in silence,
letting the words be received. This is the close.
Long love is not the absence of seasons — it is the willingness to keep
choosing one another through every one of them. You have already chosen
each other a thousand times. May this be one more.
— A blessing for the road still ahead
May your love be tended, again and again, like a garden in spring.
